It isn't easy to get on a 18 hour plane,concise your belongings into 60 odd kilos and resettle for the next 5 years of your life. The enthusiasts in me ,however, said "I will be fine, It will all be alright". It was probably this enthusiasm that came back to bite me.

I hated it when I got there. The country, the people, the clean roads, the not so clean mentality. My insides shut down. I stopped thinking, that is the only way I survived. I had to stop judging. That turned out to be good and bad.

Good because as I started to shut my thinking cell, I started observing. Making no judgement about what I saw and the links my brains made. I shut down my brain and let my eyes and ears do all the work.

The shut down of my brain and mind had its draw backs. They got lazy. They now, refuse to get back to the pace they once functioned on. Worse, they have started questioning their own capabilities.

Stuck between the person I was, the person I am and the person I know I can be is eating into present me. Confusion, as I always say is a good thing. It makes you think, reconsider. This confusion in my life, however, cost me a part time job, a relationship with me a dear one and an academic hiccup.

Rebuilding is never easy. It requires picking the pieces up, having the heart to get rid of them, facing the truth of the mistakes made and taking it from there. It is difficult but it is life.

For in an easy situation many can rise. In a difficult situation only a few arise.

Labels: Life, new york

I landed in Newark, New Jersey on august 4th 2008. The 1st week or so was a blaze. Almost touristy. The cherry on the cake was added my best friend who flew down from San Jose just to ease me into a country he had learned to live in but not love.

Its almost 6 months now and I have never been so confused an uncertain about life. Confusion as I always say is a good thing. Why? Well personally it makes me think beyond the realm of what I would usually think. It makes me explore new avenues that I probably would have never ventured out into.

The confusion and disparity are a direct result of a lot of what is happening externally as well as personally. Ill spare you the personal crap. Externally Im in a country that has finally realized that it has screwed up and how. Forget looking at it as a country, Im looking at it as a person. A person who lived in a disillusion world, having no fear or consciousness of what was happening. A person who believes that everything can be made to look ( perception) just perfect. So it doesnt matter if you are wearing a 30,000 $ dress if underneath you are bleeding from wounds you carved upon yourself.

What I have realized as a consequence is - I followed the crowd to the land of dreams ( and how ). By no means do I regret my Masters program , it has been so much more than I ever imagined it to be. But the questions I ask my self now is - could I have gained equal/more knowledge if I continued to work back home? Only time can answer that.

At this point I ( and I believe a million Indian students like me) are trying to strike a balance. A balance between the world they see crumbling around them to the Internal dreams and expectations they had from a country they are alien too.

What I have learned is something I will cherish all my life. Something I didnt opt for, but glad it came along. I cant say - it cant get worse cause it can. These walls of pretense that we build around ourselves are swiftly falling. That is good. A new order of thoughts is much required. I am struggling striking a balance but at the same time I am glad.

Its amazing how to realize the obvious you have to venture through unknown spaces. At the end of the day there wouldn't be a story if there wasn't a journey.

____________________________________________________________________________________

I promise to blog more often about life here. Ask me specifics of what you want to know and I will try and tend to it. It feels good to blog

Labels: Indian Students in USA, Life, life work, PR, USA

Sleep has been a direct by product of exhaustion in the past few days. Im sitting here in a cozy apartment in Jersey city, scared, outraged and disgusted at the state of thing at my home place: Bombay. A few men who were armed with weapons, passion and more importantly a mission made Bombay a bombed bay. Stripped of our so called spirit we were emotionally raped. For every man who lost his wife and for every child who cried - today after 3 days I cry with you.

I shed tears today not because its a sad thing to happen to a country but because unknowingly we have brought this upon ourself. I shed a tear today because when I went for any cricket match and heard anti pakistani slogans - I smiled. I shed a tear today because I believed bribing a cop was not a law broken. I shed a tear today because somewhere in my life I too have discriminated against caste, race, creed and color. I shed a tear today because I have blatantly abused probably the same cop that died rescuing some one from my city. I cry today because when I had a chance to vote - I didnt. I cry today because I accused a journalist of being stupid- while she bravely put her self in front of the action - updating me on my Bombay. I cry today because my home has changed forever.

Colaba use to be a place where the rich stayed and they still bargained. It was the place where my mom let me wander around when I was just 10. It was a place that had mondy's Saturday night drunk karoke and SBX where I met my love. It was the same place that had a Goan, Parsi, South Indian, north Indian, Muslim, and Lebanon eating joint. It was a place where men tried getting sleazy with you only for you to slap them. Im not saying these places wont be there anymore. What wont be there will be there is the vibe. Yes! I am scared. Just the way every time I sat in a local train - the thought of a bomb last always loomed over head.

My house has been tarnished. Its like home to me where every wall has a memory. I remember so vividly when I went to gateway and had chai. How I sat in front of the Taj and was amazed by its beauty often telling people how its architect shouldn't have committed suicide. I walked past nariman house not knowing what it was. I sat in front of the trident and wondered how it would be to stay on its top floor and have the view of the queens necklace.

First tainted in blood by terrorist now these places are being robbed of their soul by politicians. No Mr PM, CM, FM - I do not care who you are. I care about Bombay - a place which is just another constituency for you. You can step down, fall down or just drown for all I care but spare me my home. Spare me the place that is embedded in every nerve of my body. I do not need you to assure me. I do not need you to read something your PR person wrote for you. I do not need to pay you so that only you can have security. Where is my security? Where is it?

Yes I have lost faith. No im not going to ride the way of the Mumbai Spirit. Do not tell me this will all be ok! I refuse to forget this incidence. It should not be forgotten because this is what the truth is. Im not going to pretend that the politicians did not fuck up and im not going to let them forget either.

So today from half a world away I still am grieving because after 3 days today it finally let me grieve. Today I realized My colaba will no more be my colaba because in my colaba this shit would have never happened. Period.

Labels: Colaba Causeway., mumbai attacks, nariman house, Taj, trident

once opened doors,
were proudly announced
now all of a sudden
you wish you were the conservative type

revelations made,
hearts broken,
still no answer to the email
she must be a special kind of an idiot

lets go back to back
where it all happened again
oopps! that the Siren
Major Shutdown begins once again

One brick at a time
the wall goes up again
no one is noticing
must be her lucky day

The drop of the flowing blood
she stares , she blink
once so maroon
now so black

Labels: a poem on disablesStill, Life, maroon

For all the crap
for all the long hours
its all bull shit
its all crap


too much need
too much want
no perfection
fuck the world, fucl the world

i like peace
i like calm
but this political crap
no life no more

all those plans
all that shit
sit with me and talk
oh wait thats forbidden . thats forbidden

so lets face the truth
a lie for a lie
fuck the world
fuck the world

no more are you warm
no more do i like your hold
i miss my self
comeback comeback

i want to love myself
just the way i love you
only that i know id reciprocate
id love back, id love back

so lets rewind
too the good old times
when we made practical decision
when life was simpler when life was love

i cant love no more
the hypocrisy kills me
stab stab
I can hear the pain , i can hear you laugh

lets fuck the world
and fuck people over
cause if not now
then its never

Many Journalist do not like the fact that PR Professionals who represent a particular company are not always well equipped with information regarding that company. Fair enough - its part of our job's too be informed.

On the other hand lets look at individuality. I probably will be really really well equipped with information on the entertainment front, but on the financial front im still trying to figure out what GDP really means. If I join a PR company and am put on a financial account - there goes everything. Yes! Obviously Ill have to do a lot of reading, but still a few details, can either be not understood or misinterpreted.

Though Im a true believer in Try new things out, and also do firmly believe that Sachin Tendulkar will be a horrible doing a dance number. If you know what I mean.

Ok lets get to the point - Here is a solution I thought off.

So a particular company bags a particular account. Let say for example its a lifestyle account.

What if there was a procedure in which the employee of the company that bagged the account were sent out a note to apply for the account.

By apply for the account - I mean contest (ill explain contest below) to be a part of the account.

What do you need to contest for the account - Simple You need Knowledge about the client, the industry it falls under and a bonus would always be a creative way of approaching the requirements of the client.

A Panel that should ideally consist of an employee of the PR agency and a Brand manager or the likes from the Clients company.

They could pick who would best represent the client and not only has ample knowledge but also has the passion for that sector of the industry.

What this does is 1) ensures the client it has one of the best/deserving people working on the account. 2) It would help effectively deliver information to journalist/blogger et all without the awkward "uh ummm ill get back to you on this". 3) brings about healthy competition. 4) Takes the client agency relationship up a notch. 5) Its almost like treating each individual like an consultant. It helps bring back the belief that the accounts you handle are directly in proportion with the your initiative to work for them.

The downside is that its a time consuming process , also how does the attrition rate in the PR industry let something like this grow? Would it be feasible for a small sized company to exercise this?

What do you think ? Do you like the idea - Do you think its a solution or is its not feasible?

Labels: Indian Pr, Journalist., PR, Solution for PR